the dangers of perception.

The most important day of my life is today, November 29th, 2012, and I’m hoping that I can clearly put my thoughts into words to demonstrate why.

I’ve recently been a victim of character assassination, by a family member.  Someone, whom I have shared my secrets, my feelings of all kinds, my shameful moments, etc.  Someone who I trust incredibly, even more then some of my friendships, has turned on me.  As the verbally abusive conversation came to an end, I found myself speechless.  But today, I realize it was a blessing in disguise.

As I continued to listen to the accusations or “untruths” directly regarding my integrity, I patiently waited for breaths between the metaphoric punches while fighting for chances to justify the person I am and offering apologies where they are due; I’m terrified as I recognize some of myself in my accuser.  Guilty.

For the majority of my adult life, I’ve preached positivity and sunshine to those around me.  In these very same moments, my words became daggers through the hearts of the people that I love.

As I begin to dissect myself, I start to feel the pain that I have bestowed unto my victims.  I question my motives that I cannot answer.

Perception can get you into trouble.  Since people are built differently, so are perceptions.  We all see things differently, feel things differently and deal with things differently.  Just because someone’s idea of you might be poor, doesn’t mean its truth.  It’s their perception.  It’s how they see you.  Which, even the closest of friends—may not even know you at all.  The fact is, how you view yourself IS exactly who you are.  As difficult as it may be, you should never justify yourself to anyone.  Their view of you will remain the same, and nothing you say will change their mind.

As ashamed as I am of inflicting pain, I find the strength and courage to rebuild myself, and offer my sincerest apologies to the individuals that I have wronged.  Since I have become aware of my offenses, I have a sense of relief.  As I walk away from this experience, I remind myself to stop chasing after the ones that don’t care about me, as the ones that do care, are the ones that I should be focusing on.

 

I encourage you all to do the same.  Forgiveness and true happiness awaits you.

taxes.

My husband and I, along with the majority of our families, live in one of the highest taxed areas in the country.  True story.  I’m not proud.  Here’s why.

We live in a modest house, and while I say modest, it was only brought to this condition by my husbands bare hands.  We bought the “handyman special”.  Anyhow, we soon learned that every single home improvement was going to cost us more money in taxes.

I may have a simple mind, but I do believe that some of these taxes are completely absurd.  If we own the house, pay our mortgage, why can’t we move our washing machine to a different spot in the home without being taxed?  Putting a bay window in our kitchen costs us taxes too, every year.  Putting a shed on the property, adding a patio and laying a new driveway is going to run us dry, as well.  If I pay for my property line and everything inside of it, why shouldn’t I be permitted to do what I please on MY OWN property.  Frankly, everything that we have done to our home has increased the value of it.  When we, and those around us are ready to sell, I can promise that our home won’t decrease the value of theirs.   As long as we’re not burying bodies or constructing nuclear weapons, we should all be able to tailor our homes as we see fit.

Pretty much every day, I frequent a road near our home.  One day last summer, I noticed something had changed.  I could see more of the sky, and I quickly realized that EVERY SINGLE tree was pulled out of the sides of the road.  Don’t ask me what kind of trees they were.  If I had to guess, I’d say they were “big old trees”.  Thick healthy trunks too, which was puzzling.
On I drove, and quickly my mind was in another place.  A week or so later, I found myself on the same road again.  Again, I noticed something had changed.  The sidewalk looked a bit more filled in then the past week or so.  Did they plant new trees? Shocker.  Is this what they are doing with our tax money?  Wasting it? Fixing things that ain’t broke?  It doesn’t stop here…please continue.
On my way home from wherever I was, I was on the same route (seeing RED again), turned down the next road to find that they had planted trees in the island that separates the roadway into two directions.  Never, ever were there trees there.  Perfect.  Now, when I make a left turn into oncoming traffic (no traffic light), my view is obstructed (makes for more accidents).  Seriously.  Is this a joke?  When I thought these pranks were done with, I got the laugh of my life.

Brace yourself for this one.
THAT SAME ROAD–Let’s rename it “There’s Nothing Wrong With it-Way (TNWWI Way)”.

So–I turn down TNWWI Way, where they foolishly wasted our tax dollars on replanting trees last summer.  They pulled up all of the blacktop.  You know–when your car starts to convulse and it feels like it may just fall apart from under you.  No cars around you, your windshield and fresh paint job are getting pelted with gravel, you cringe the whole way.
Once the road smooths again, my brain reacts and starts to think…”hmm, the last time they did this was a couple years ago…”  A COUPLE YEARS AGO?!? Do they consider this old??  This road was in perfect condition.  No bumps, cracks or potholes.
And so it goes, it takes them one week to re-pave.  Now, the road is fresh and waiting for lane markers and double yellows.  Two weeks later I find traffic on TNWWI Way, thinking.. there is never a stitch of traffic here.  Must have been an accident.  Oh no.  Oh please God NOOOO!  They took out 2 lanes from each direction, making a bike lane in each direction!!!!  This is NOT the hamptons; we don’t have that kind of money where we can cater to the bikers.  This is NOT Manhattan; the sidewalks are ghostly.  No one uses them.  Ride your damn bikes on the sidewalks.  Oh this is the best part…  First of all, this stretch of road crosses a few intersections.  The bike lane starts at one intersection and ends at the next.  So, we have a bike lane for only 1/4 of a mile.  After you cross over the intersection there is no bike lane!! Better part–this next stretch has NO sidewalk!  I’m not kidding.  But, the joke is on us.

I am frustrated, angry and downright confused regarding the stupidity, and sheer boredom of the authorities in these areas.  Frankly, we-and yes this includes you, work way to damn hard to be this poor.  We are required to pay taxes, and so we obey.  For if we don’t–its criminal.

Folks..

Common sense is NOT common.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Dean’s Belly Laughs

Hearing my son laughing this hard makes my heart melt every time I hear it.
I never thought that being a mother could be this rewarding.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rDd64sk7fA&feature=plcp

time.

This is my first blog; ever.  I plan to ease into this as gracefully as I can, so please be gentile.

I’d like to first blab about “TIME“.  I’m positive that we all have none of it, and it just goes by too fast.  I haven’t figured out how to slow it down, but I have figured out how to make the quality a bit richer so it doesn’t seem like its wasted or the feeling that you knew exactly what you did with it.

What is it about time that makes it our biggest battle? Why does it go by so slow when we are young?

I chose to stay home with my son Dean, because I didn’t want to miss any of his milestones.  These moments are some of life’s sweetest, and I refuse to miss them. Thankfully, I have a patient and supportive husband.

Where were you 10 years ago? Were you happy? If you weren’t, have you made any changes since then to bring you to where you are today? If not, what the hell are you waiting for? Because you don’t have much time.

Time is fleeting, and I’ve learned that you have to use it wisely. We all have all the time in the world, but what we fill it with is what matters.

Before I had my son, I’ve filled my time with wasteful people and too many wasteful things.  My mind was constantly worrying about things that I’ve done, what people thought of me, and so on.  I slowly started concentrating on my son, myself and my husband.  I started to respect myself more.  The realization that I deserved to be happy lifted such a weight off my shoulders, and with it went the guilt that I have felt since I was a child.

Coping with the passing of time will remain my biggest battle.  I will continue to do what is best for myself and my family. Understanding and an open mind will continually give me the ability to not lose sight of the things that are truly important in regards to things that just seem important. As for my temper, my mindset has softened me.  I will stay true to myself, and regardless what goes on around me, I will not let the world make me hard.