The most important day of my life is today, November 29th, 2012, and I’m hoping that I can clearly put my thoughts into words to demonstrate why.
I’ve recently been a victim of character assassination, by a family member. Someone, whom I have shared my secrets, my feelings of all kinds, my shameful moments, etc. Someone who I trust incredibly, even more then some of my friendships, has turned on me. As the verbally abusive conversation came to an end, I found myself speechless. But today, I realize it was a blessing in disguise.
As I continued to listen to the accusations or “untruths” directly regarding my integrity, I patiently waited for breaths between the metaphoric punches while fighting for chances to justify the person I am and offering apologies where they are due; I’m terrified as I recognize some of myself in my accuser. Guilty.
For the majority of my adult life, I’ve preached positivity and sunshine to those around me. In these very same moments, my words became daggers through the hearts of the people that I love.
As I begin to dissect myself, I start to feel the pain that I have bestowed unto my victims. I question my motives that I cannot answer.
Perception can get you into trouble. Since people are built differently, so are perceptions. We all see things differently, feel things differently and deal with things differently. Just because someone’s idea of you might be poor, doesn’t mean its truth. It’s their perception. It’s how they see you. Which, even the closest of friends—may not even know you at all. The fact is, how you view yourself IS exactly who you are. As difficult as it may be, you should never justify yourself to anyone. Their view of you will remain the same, and nothing you say will change their mind.
As ashamed as I am of inflicting pain, I find the strength and courage to rebuild myself, and offer my sincerest apologies to the individuals that I have wronged. Since I have become aware of my offenses, I have a sense of relief. As I walk away from this experience, I remind myself to stop chasing after the ones that don’t care about me, as the ones that do care, are the ones that I should be focusing on.
I encourage you all to do the same. Forgiveness and true happiness awaits you.